Last night my mom and I decided to give the second season of American Horror Story a chance beyond the first episode, and it was quite the experience. The first season was innovative and amazing; this season is ridiculous and kind of nauseating. The first thing that had us laughing was the accents: Jessica Lange actually went from a Boston to an Italian to a British accent in the span of a couple lines. She also pronounces “story” as “starry”, which had my mom and I spending a significant amount of time trying to figure out what accent that was even referring to. Also, I get that it takes place in an insane asylum and the people are crazy, but do they have to be bald midgets with tiny ponytails on top of their heads? Can’t you be crazy and not look like you’re a circus freak on crack? Additionally, the scene where the lesbian reporter had to touch a male model’s “member” and “touch herself” (their wording, not mine) to make her straight was so disgusting and hilarious I didn’t know whether to throw up or laugh. Also, why is Anne Frank a character on the show? Ryan Murphy… really? Too far, too far.
The most confusing aspect of the show is that the Nazi doctor and Sister Jude are both evil, but a major plot line of the show is that Sister Jude is spending all of her time trying to expose the doctor as evil and make herself look good. Like, one minute Sister Jude is calling the doctor a sadist and the next she is threatening to sterilize two of the mental patients and beat them with a cane. Newsflash: you’re kind of a sadist Sister Jude. A sadist with a face lift.
-Why is every nun on this show a slut?
-Actually, why is everyone on this show a slut?
-Why are the patients always pounding dough furiously in the kitchen?
-Why is bread the only thing they are ever cooking? (Being a mental patient is not an excuse to go on an all carb diet)
-Why did Sister Jude’s blonde-accomplice-nun (don’t know anyone’s name, sorry) kill that Mexican lady? And why was she suddenly fluent in Spanish for one scene?
-Why is half of Chloe Sevigny’s head shaved?