My favorite thing to do when I come home for a few days is to look through the drawer in my bedroom that contains all of the things I wrote in high school. Sometimes I am amazed at how much I’ve grown as both a person and a writer, and other times I am shocked at how strangely poetic the simple way I viewed life as a teenager seems so many years later.
Tonight as I was going through the stack of papers on the floor of my bedroom, I found a poem I wrote during my short-lived emo phase in 2009 (either inspired by Evan Rachel Wood in Thirteen, Kirsten Dunst in The Virgin Suicides, or Angela Chase). Other contributors to my teen angst: Edward Cullen had just started stirring up inner feelings I couldn’t quite articulate, I listened to Paramore on a loop, I dyed my hair black with red highlights, and had started memorizing Sylvia Plath’s poetry and reciting it to my family members (we’ve all been there, right guys?). Anyway, here is the poem entitled, “The Pursuit of the Sun”:
I woke up early, to see the sunrise.
My eyes were still tired, as I stood on my porch.
My eyes felt raw, I was blinded by the light.
I went back inside, and fell into a dream,
where my eyes were not swollen, and I saw the sun.
When I woke, I glared out of my window, and saw the moon.
The next night, my friend stood with me on the porch,
we had no trouble watching the simple moon.
We decided to wake up early, and watch the sunrise.
The next morning, we saw the tip of the sun,
but our eyes were puffy as we stood on the porch.
Why don’t I have trouble staring at the sunrise in my dream?
We went back inside, we were blinded by the light.
The next morning, I tried to resist the light.
It was easier to stare at the moon.
I went back inside, and in my dream,
I imagined myself running into the sunrise.
The next morning, I sat alone on the porch.
It was hopeless; I began to hate the sun- –
yes, I began to despise the sun.
How could anyone love that bright light?
The next morning, I wanted to give it one last chance on my porch.
I still hated the sun, I loved the moon.
Why should I strain to look at the sunrise?
I kept the sunrise in my dream.
That night, I saw the sun in my dream.
I decided it was impossible to really see the sun,
or the sunrise,
or the light.
But that night, I saw the moon.
I felt comfortable that night on the porch.
I fell asleep on the porch,
and had a nice dream.
It was not about the sun, it was about the moon.
I never even thought about the sun.
I began to hide from the light.
I began to fear the sunrise.
I miss those times sitting on my porch, looking at the sun.
I now only see light in a dream.
If I only had the strength to reach for the sunrise, instead of settling on the moon.
…well, besides sharing an extremely upbeat poem with all of you, the purpose of this post is to encourage all of you to keep a drawer of writing, art, pictures, etc. throughout your lifetime. I have laughed, cried (just moments ago at a beautiful letter my brother wrote me for my 18th birthday), and found insight when looking through my little drawer of memories. More often than not you will wind up being your greatest source of inspiration.